I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
