right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Green mimosas i think yes
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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