he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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