Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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