I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize