She went from zero to smokin in five shots
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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