If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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