she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize