I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
