He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
