New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
