yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
