I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
