My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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