well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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