look no pants
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
