Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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