somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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