I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
