the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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