like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
