mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
