I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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