listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
