My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
