I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
is wine microwaveable?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
