I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize