"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
