I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
