Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
