Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
