are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
