You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
