help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize