Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
