Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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