We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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