I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
