i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
