do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
