I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
