White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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