Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
