would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
