Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
