she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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