ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
