Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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