So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You're like the curious george of whores
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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