i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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