I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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