he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
