So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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