I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
