I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
