I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
