So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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