names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
