So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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