I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
