I am puke
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize