This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
