I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
