I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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