How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
