wat bout pragnant strippers??
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
