my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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