I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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