dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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