did you get engaged???
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I deserve this hangover.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
