Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
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