Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
