i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
