I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
