Already got asked if we're dating
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
