11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
