Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
