Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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