so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
