How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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