Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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