Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
