last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
