"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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