I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
