maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize