There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
